Holding Your Own Peace Summit!

Holding Your Own Peace Summit Meeting & Being Your Own Mediator

It's oftentimes easy for us to forget that not everyone sees the world like we do. Therefore, to understand a situation fully we really do need to look at it from a series of different perspectives. One point of view will only give one dimension, an incomplete picture of the whole. Good communicators appear to have the flexibility to shift easily from one position to another as appropriate. They understand all positions as useful and it is this that allows them to build better understandings. So, remember that effective negotiation is impossible without an appreciation of the conflictive views.

Let's look at an activity which will help you to develop this strength. This activity uses your visual, auditory and kinaesthetic senses and so needs sufficient space in which to move around. Think of a situation that is live for you now and that is not as good as it needs to be – one in which you would like to improve your relationship with the other person. This could be a learner, a colleague, friend or a member of your family.

1. Choose a position in the room to place a sheet of paper down on the ground and then stand on it. This is your First Position and as such it represents the true ‘here and now’ for you. Think about yourself, the other person and the issue.

· Notice what you can see in your mind’s eye, what you can hear and what you feel inside.

2. Look across to another position in the room and imagine that you and the other person are sitting there facing each other. When you are in this situation you are in Second Position.

· How are those two people relating to each other from that position?

· Step off the sheet of paper and let go of the first position by shaking your arms and body.

3. Take two more sheets of paper and place them in the Second Position to represent the chairs for the two people (say A and B). When you are ready, step onto the sheet that represents second position A. Take a little time and experience being A. Look at B from this position …. and then back to yourself at First Position.

· Ask yourself what is important to me, A, here in this position?

· Step off the sheet and let go of second position A by shaking your arms and body again.

4. Step onto the sheet that is Second Position B. Take a little time and experience/imagine being B this time. Look at A from this position …. and then back to yourself at first position.

· Ask yourself what is important to me, B, here in this position?

· What is really not being dealt with here?

· Step off the sheet and let go of second position B by shaking your arms and body again.

5. Now find another place in the room with a wider perspective, from which you can see all three pieces of paper. This is the Third Position. Step into it.

Ask yourself the following questions.

· What do I notice about the relationship and interactions between the others?

· What resources are needed here to change things?

· What could I bring to the situation?

· What do I notice that I didn’t notice before?

6. Take the answers back with you to first position. Step onto the sheet and from this first position, with all of this new information and new resources, take a look at the two people in A and B.

· Notice what has changed, anything that is different.

Taken from

Making Your Words Work - Using NLP to Improve Communication, Learning & Behaviour - Terry Mahony